I chose my boyfriend to interview. I
chose him for several reasons. The man that I married at the age of
19 I met at church. We always went to church together. The issue of
not going to church never came up. But looking back I realize he had
the same issue my mother did- there was one set of behavior for at
church, during church time and there was a different behavior for the
rest of the time. Needless to say that I became a very jaded person
when it came to trusting others who said they were “Christians”.
The funny thing is that my faith never wavered. Once I came to the
place that I acknowledged that I couldn't do it by myself and I
needed to live what I said I believed, my faith in God to be in
control and to care for me remained constant.
I knew my boyfriend 25 years ago, in
another life. Through an interesting series of circumstances that I
am convinced were a God thing our worlds collided almost a year ago.
He began actively pursuing me at that time but I kept turning away
from him, fighting the curiosity that crept up in my heart. Finally I
gave in and responded to his reaching out. But we only “talked”
through email for 3 months before we met in person after all those
years. The first time we talked at Lloyd Center mall. The second time
I went to his work. The night before I went to see him I was praying
about all this. I am scared because of my past, because of the
relationship I am coming from, even though it has been three years. I
prayed all this to my Heavenly Father and asked Him to show me very
clearly what path I should take. I said, “Lord, if you are telling
me it is okay to see where this path leads then when I get there
tomorrow Lloyd has to pray. I am not going to say anything to him
about it. I will go in and talk with him, but if he doesn't pray then
I will not take the next step. I cannot date a man who does not love
you first, to whom talking with his Lord is not as natural as
breathing.” I was saying all this in my head, I couldn't even speak
it out loud for fear of jinxing something. The next day I got to his
work and walked into the office. He stood and pulled out a chair for
me, just like an old fashioned gentleman. Once I was seated he went
back to his desk, sat down , and started praying out loud. I started
crying.
He was raised in a catholic church,
then he attended a Pentecostal church as a young man. Neither group
felt right to him as far as their theological belief systems, he says
they seemed to regimented, too legalistic. He wants his relationship
with God to be one of awe but also one which feels natural, just
happens without having to think about it- like breathing. Over the
last several months of dating we have discussed all manner of
subjects but as I was asking him questions over the weekend in
reference to this assignment I found that in many ways it was like
talking to myself. I thought that was absolutely awesome. I think I
serve a Great God who wants us to have an abundant life and to have
it beginning here on earth.
My former spouse and I couldn't talk
about things that we appreciated about God, or ways he was working in
our lives, or bible verses that touched our hearts. Lloyd and I can
do so and do it several days a week. This is not to say that all we
talk about is God or that I am putting him or us on some kind of
pedestal of perfection. But I value that fact that we can talk about
so much more than my ex- and I could. I value the fact that without
even knowing God seemed to be at work in both our lives bringing us
toward one another through each step of our lives.
He will stop as we are walking
together and show me something. Oftentimes that something is very
simple, like the first bird of spring up in the branches of a tree
and talk about how God works to renew the seasons of life year after
year after year. He will break out in prayer on the spur of the
moment and take me by surprise quite often. It is almost as though he
is having a running conversation with God all day long. I do the same
thing. I do not feel this is approaching God in a manner that is too
casual however.
God desires to be in relationship with
us-that ought to blow your mind- He desires for us to be in
relationship with Him. Lloyd is in relationship with God. He can see
how every step of his life-good and bad- has helped to create the
person he is today. He knows God created him for a purpose and he
feels he is fulfilling that purpose.
Ever since acknowledging that my
marriage was a toxic one and ending up a divorced single mother-
something I promised myself I would never do- I have had one focus.
This focus has been to make sure that everything I do, no matter how
small, is done the way God wants it done. My marriage was something I
never prayed about prior to getting married. My relationship now, and
all other areas of my life I pray about frequently. I do not want to
look back in 10 years and realize that I was on a personal foray
again and not on the path God had planned for me.
As Lloyd and I talked last Saturday
about his religious upbringing and his thoughts about living a Godly
life I realized that here was another person who also was focused on
living an abundant life like Jesus talks about in the book of John. I
remember thinking how amazing it was that we have lived life
completely separate from one another yet have arrived at virtually
the same place in our walk with the Lord. I am dating a man who loves
God, who lives God, and yet who isn't one to shove God down the
throats of others. I want to be in a relationship with God that makes
it almost impossible to see where I end and he begins because he is
so much a part of who I am and what I do. I see this in Lloyd. I am
amazed at the way God works. It was an enlightening conversation to
have, especially since I have had all this time of dating him to be
observing his actions prior to hearing the words. The awesome thing
is that the words match up to the actions I have observed.
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