This week has been a very interesting week. Because I have been preoccupied with my boyfriend's health I have been reflecting on life through the lens of health issues. In other words, if I were to die today what would I be leaving behind?
The biggest issue is my kids. I do not want them to be raised by their father, who has enough issues of his own. However, I am coming to realize I am a control freak. My kids are 16, 15, and 13. I have a few things I have allowed my son (the 16 year old) to have input in- such as how we control his ADD. But mostly I play the MOM card. This is detrimental to them at the ages they are getting to since they will soon be out in the world on their on. How am I preparing them for that?
I have been working my way through a book by Henry Cloud called Boundaries for Kids. What I am coming to realize is that my children cannot operate within the boundaries they have set for them. Not because the lines are unclear, but because I do not have the same rules for myself. Ouch!!
The basic things like clearing your dishes off the table I do as well. But some of the bigger issues, like getting up and doing your bible study time- they don't see me doing. And the intangible issues like politely listening to the speaker and waiting for them to be done before you speak- that is one I am terrible at.
So now it is time for me to back up to the basics and begin making sure my walk and my talk line up. How depressing. When I was growing up my mom had one set of rules for me and another for my brother- that drove me nuts! Especially since I was the older sibling and he got away with more.
Now I find that I am doing the same thing to my kids only it is one set of rules for them and another for me. I have a lot of work in front of me. I am excited for what our family will look like at the end of this part of the journey, but I am terrified as to what we will have to go through in order to get there.